Saturday, January 12, 2013

Tomorrow I am going to exercise. Really.

I'll put it right out there:

1.  I have gained five pounds since Christmas.
2.  I am completely lethargic.  I have zero energy.  I find it hard to keep my eyes open past 6 pm.
3.  My back hurts.  I feel old.
4.  My underarms have developed that old-lady flabby thing.
5.  From the side, I look like I have a cute little baby bump thing going on.  Without the "baby" part.
6.  In the past two days, I have totally cleaned out every remaining chocolate item from my kids' leftover Halloween stash.  With the exception of the Tootsie Rolls, because those are just hard and icky by now.  I have eaten more Peanut M&Ms and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups in the last two days than I have in the last two years.
7.  My kids are having a blast catching me eating ice cream out the carton while standing in front of the open freezer.  Because this means that they get to grab a spoon too and help me out.

So, tomorrow I am actually going out.  I seriously have not worked out since 1996.  No joke.  I am not kidding.  We have a family membership to the health club near our house.  I have gone there to take my kids to the pool and get my hair done at the salon.  I have never ventured "upstairs" where the actual exercise equipment is.

The people there scare me.  They are all very tan (even in January in Minnesota) and seem to own spandex and sports bras in every color.  The woman look beautiful even when they sweat and wear their diamonds and make-up to work out.  I am amazed how they don't break a beautifully manicured nail while lifting weights.  Everyone shows off their perfectly toned abs and arms, all while smiling and looking cute.

Tomorrow, I am going to put on my sweatpants and t-shirt and tie my too-short hair back into a half-hazard ponytail.  I will not wear make-up but I will likely brush my teeth.  I will try to walk on a treadmill while staring at my bitten-down non-manicured nails.

And I will do my best to ignore everyone else around me.

Because I'm sick and tired of being so tired.  I need more energy.  I need to feel better.

Oh yeah, and I need that flabby old-lady arm thing to go away, too.

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