My dear hubby has been very busy at work lately, working long hours and also traveling out of town. Although I know how blessed I am to be able to stay home full time with my two kids, it has been a rough couple of weeks being the sole caregiver to two toddlers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with little to no assistance on most days. I love my job as my mommy and wife but I am just plain tired. A little bit of "me time" is needed - and my hubby said that tomorrow (Saturday) is "my day"!! He said I could take the whole day and do whatever I wanted and he would take care of the kids all day.
This happens every so often but I always feel like I have to rush home to help with the kids. I usually run some errands by myself (consignment, Target, etc.) and then hurry home. But I'm willing myself to STAY AWAY tomorrow! Maybe even till suppertime! I know I have to go get my car's oil changed in the morning...but what to do after that? I do have the typical errands to run (drop off at consignment, grocery shopping at Target). But after that, the day is mine! I really should get my hair cut and colored, but I'm not in the mood and feel like that will be a huge waste of two hours! Instead, I think I may find a cozy coffee shop somewhere and snuggle up with a Mocha, a really fattening muffin, and finish the book I'm reading (Love Revolution by Joyce Meyer). Or maybe I'll be super crazy and go see a movie all by myself! No kids needing to rush to the potty, no sippy cups to fill, no princess DVDs to change, etc. etc. Just me for a few hours...sigh.
We'll see. I'll probably get the car serviced, get groceries, and head home by lunch because I feel guilty being away from my kids and hubby for more than two hours. Why do I do this? Why the feelings of guilt? I know that no one can stay at their job 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and be healthy. I know that although I no longer wear high heels and a suit to work every day that I still work extremely hard. I know that in addition to me needing to be away from my kids every now and then, my kids also need some time away from me.
I know all of this. Yet every time I go out by myself, I feel guilty. I check my watch constantly and feel like a timer has been set and I need to rush home. And then once I get home and get the inevitable backseat of groceries unloaded and put away, I'm back on the "mommy clock" taking care of the kids and feeling resentful that I didn't get any good, quality "me time" away.
Is this my own doing? Mostly, yes. Why do SAHMs do this? When I worked outside of the home I never felt guilty for staying home on a Saturday. Why are things so different when we work at home? I have yet to figure this out. Although I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I know how lucky I am to be able to stay home with my two adorable kids and take care of my kids, husband and home. But the guilt sets in when I start to feel bad for wanting (okay, needing) to be away from my kids for a little while. God blessed me with two happy, healthy children...how dare I ever want to be away from them? But I know that I will not be the mom and wife I need to be - should be - unless I regroup every now and then by myself. This is for my family's sake and my own well being. A happy mama makes a happy household. And I want us to be HAPPY!
So, what did you end up doing Saturday? Hopefully had fun! Saturday was "me day" too. I got to scrapbook during the day and then out for supper with girlfriends. I think every mom needs "me" time. I fight the "guilty" feelings too. But I feel sooo much better when I do something like that.
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